Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
