Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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