so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
