I cockslap morals
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
