I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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