uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i barfeds in our rink
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
