I bet he comes in French.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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