This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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