fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize