If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
