plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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