i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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