Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the day after is always just damage control
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
