Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
