we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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