saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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