i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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