okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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