my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
