i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
