I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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