i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do herpes really smell.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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