i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
