Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
