I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
