what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
