I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
