i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
