He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
