i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
