its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
