So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
50% drunk capacity currently
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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