Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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