Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
