I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
