Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
