if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
