I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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