brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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