Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
