cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
