Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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