I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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