I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
