how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
