I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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