My nipple is on Facebook.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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