Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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