Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
