So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
