But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
