Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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