i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
