We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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