that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
