Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
