my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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