sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
