Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
