His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
