I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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