I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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