you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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