After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
